Stuff and Things on My Brain

1. I am so over fair-weather friends. Suffice it to say, my feelings have been hurt a few times this week/year by people who choose to only be my friend when I'm doing well, but who will literally pretend I don't exist when I'm not.

People, hear me. It's better to just not be friends with someone than to only be that kind of friend. I can deal with someone not liking me/not wanting to be my friend, but the feeling of hurt and betrayal that comes with having a fair-weather friend is absolutely horrid.

Please, please, please take that into consideration in your day-to-day life. Thanks.

2. Here are some songs I really like these days, for your listening pleasure.

Don't You Worry Child cover by Madilyn Bailey

Keep Your Eyes Open by NEEDTOBREATHE

How to Be a Heartbreaker by Marina and the Diamonds

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

Bluebird by Sara Bareilles

3. I have decided to take a semester off school for reasons. I am so blessed to have a family that supports me in this decision! So yes, when school wraps up at the end of April, I will be returning home. And staying there for eight months. Whaaaat?!

Goals for my time "off" include geting my license, geting a job, and getting appropriate amounts of sleep most nights. Also hanging out with some amazing friends that I've missed like crazy, and possibly going running everyday...?

4. I'm allergic to Utah. The weather was amazing today, but so are the magnitude of the allergy symptoms I'm having. To be fair, I'm a little bit allergic to Pennsylvania, but not nearly as allergic as I am to Utah. Time to break out the Zyrtec...

5. My hair is long now. Not long long, but longer than it's been in two years. Wanna see a picture?

Boom. Super long. I can get 70% of it into a ponytail, so that's exciting. I'm trying to get used to having it down, though, because when I used to have it long long, it was always in a bun, like so:

(Apparently, 16-year-old me knew I would need a bun-pic for my future blog.)

Anyway, hope you survived your Wednesday. I did. Just barely.

x,

   g

Cave Dwelling

They told me I needed something fun, something exciting to look forward to. Plan a party, read a book. Do something, for heaven's sake, because seeing you just sit there is... freaky. It's strange. It's abnormal.

And then they told me that people are happier when they're looking at a bright future or whatever. And yeah, that's probably true, I suppose. But it's easier to have a positive perspective when you're standing on top of a hill than when you're stumbling around in a cave with a faulty flashlight and a very dim memory regarding the way out.

I mean, really. It's Perspective 101.

But I guess people who feel qualified to give that kind of advice are usually the ones who haven't been in a cave recently. Us cave dwellers realize that we aren't usually the best at giving uplifting advice.

And so I offer mine humbly and without pretense.

Stop trying to look forward all the time. Let your hope be abstract and your goals be gentle. Give yourself permission to savor the smallest moments of joy and peace.

Read a book in the sun. Dance to your favorite song when no one’s around. Take yourself on field trips to places you’ve never been before.

Don’t feel bad because you didn’t enjoy that party or this dance. Don’t beat yourself up for not liking “normal” fun. Your fun is okay. Your fun is excellent.

We cave dwellers are not hopeless, nor are we cynical for believing that we needn’t always have a perfect dedication to our futures. We have learned to reside firmly in the moment.

We have learned that it is staying in the moment, breathing the fresh air, is more beautiful than rushing from second to second with a furious ache for something to look forward to.

Tomorrow may be the best day of my life. It may be the worst. It will likely be another average day. But it doesn’t matter. Because today will never happen again, and today I will find my glimmers of sunlight as I ride the roller coaster of my own emotions through the highs and lows of just... being.

Today, right now, you must be. Be in your cave, on your hill, in your valley or forest.

In this moment, you are alive, and that is enough.